I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
