Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
