The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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