Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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