she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
