soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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