i permit you to call me
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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