Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
