Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
