I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
