Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
