Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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