Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
