I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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