the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
