He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
