I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
