So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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