Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
