If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
