in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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