Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
