so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
