My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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