I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
