A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
