No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
