After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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