I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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