i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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