Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
