you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
