My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
