So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
