I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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