This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
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I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
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And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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