Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
