Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
