when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
