New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
