Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize