remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
