I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
