And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
