you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
