can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
