After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
