There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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