I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She's just so happy...and so naked.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
