can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
