i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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