i don't like sucking hair
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
