brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
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