i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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