I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
