I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
