how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
