I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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