all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
