Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
