umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
