I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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