I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
