take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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