You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
