you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
