I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
