grandma shit on top of the toilet
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Bring me that man meat
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
