i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
