omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
