yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
