Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
