don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
