ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just googled if crying burns calories
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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