I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
