if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
