I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
