I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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