My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
