White coat. Heels.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
