I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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