what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
